Beer Pong Player

Ryan Rossell

CO

USA

Summary

Has never missed the 5 rack while blindfolded and getting a haircut. Is notorious for singing Karaoke while playing official tournament games. Once lost an epic six cup game against Abraham Lincoln which ultimately decided the Civil War. The South has yet to forgive him. Is legendary for calling his bogey cups three days before games. He’s a private citizen but constantly receives fan mail from refugees worldwide. He woos women with his sensuous and T-rex looking shot. He’s an expert in reracks, a veteran on last cup, and an outlaw in Peru. As a second job to support her drinking habit, Lindsay Lohan chauffers him to all tournament games. Fashion critics worldwide swoon over his original line of pong wear. He once discovered the meaning of life during a game but forgot to write it down. He only practices with goldfish in the cups. He has won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin, but his biggest accomplishment to date was the day he befriended a plastic flamingo. They've been inseparable ever since.