Once upon a time, many years ago, a beautiful young woman decided to pursue a modeling career. After all, you can only post so many Facebook, Instagram, or MySpace photos if you want to be taken seriously. Every model needs a real portfolio.
So this beautiful young model responded to some kind of ad and landed her first photo shoot. She was excited. This would be her stepping stone to Hollywood. Before long, she would be starring in blockbuster movies and gracing the covers of Victoria’s Secret and the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Or at least, so she thought.
Instead, this beautiful young model became an internet sensation. She may have singlehandedly fueled the beer pong sensation which has culminated in the upcoming $100,000 Masters of Beer Pong™ tournament. And sadly, no one knows who she is.
Today, I wanted to salute this woman with no face. I wanted to salute the woman who brought us two of the most cliché beer pong team names of all time: “Nice Rack” and “Get Your Balls Wet,” and countless variations of the two. In honor of her, I would like to review her growing online portfolio.
For starters, let’s see where it all began:
I think we can all agree with the slogan on her shirt. The “Get Your Balls Wet” is a classy touch, and you have to be impressed with the hindsight of whoever designed this poster. Beer pong racks wouldn’t become popular until years later.
Luby’s could have done a much better job with our model’s work. While at least they had the decency to include the complete original design, this is one of the more terrible beer pong fliers you’ll see. But who doesn’t want to win house cash?
I’ve had some fun times at McFadden’s in Philadelphia, but they lose points here for a lack of creativity. Not only do they cut off the bottom, but they replace the logos on the ball with their own. At least it’s a “real-life tourney,” as opposed to a fictional tourney, like “King of the Cups.”
The fine folks at CV Sports Bar know what they are doing. A simple grasp of basic Photoshop skills allow them to remove all traces of the original work. In addition to making the flier look more original, the removal of the logo across the chest highlights our model’s nipples. Well done.
Glo Bar didn’t even try here. Two DJs on a Tuesday night, but a terrible beer pong flier.
When you think of America, you think of beer pong, boobs and beer. These kinds of things are universal. Judging by the web address, people in Bulgaria have the same interests. I don’t speak Bulgarian, but I’m assuming this says “Get Your Balls Wet.”
Oh my, our model now has a black top. This is a good look for her, I think. Free beer for tournament players and ladies running the bar? Good job, bar One.
Sink it – Drink it. That’s catchy. Someone should use that in a team name or something. There are a few things going on here. Apparently, our model now has exposure in China. So congrats to her for that. According to the flier, every Wednesday night is Men’s Night, but why is it 80 yen for guys and 60 yen for girls? Something doesn’t quite add up.
Our Bulgarian friends are back. There’s more stuff on here I can’t read, but I’m guessing it says “Get Your Balls Wet” and “We Don’t Pull Out But Our Couches Do” or something like that.
Jillian’s requires you to be 21 to enter this tournament, however a high school education is not necessary. The winner “recieves” a cash prize, which is way worse than receiving one. “I” before “E” except after “C,” come on.
Stripper Bar can’t be bothered to create a higher quality image, but even low-resolution photos can’t keep our model from shining. Stripper Bar sounds like a solid venue for a tournament, too.
I wonder who won this trip to Lake Tahoe. I’d love to go sometime. Also, the answer to the future trivia question of “When was ‘THE FIRST EVER’ Beer Pong Tournament?” is November 15, 2007.
Our model is back in China, celebrating Halloween. I didn’t know they celebrated Halloween in China. The Snake Pit changed the logos on the balls, but our model would have looked pretty good with the bat symbol across her chest.
You have to love txbpong.com, which no longer appears to be in business. By offering the same $20 per team cash prize to 1st, 2nd and 3rd place, it’s no wonder they went out of business.
Sure, our model may have lost that “Nice Rack” by now. And sure, we may never know who she is or what she looked like. But her boobs are sure to live on and inspire a new generation of beer pong players.
The End.
Find her name